struggle

剛看過了 nip/tuck season 4 的 episode 11後，
感覺良久揮之不去。

人生上的各種掙扎，
都是要在很多很多年後，
才看得清楚，才得到解脫的。

當然，有時只是自以為得到解脫，
卻原來只是新的掙扎的開始。

不一樣的世界觀下，探討著入心入肺的topic，
原作者 Ryan Murphy 的功力果然非同凡響。

dig deeper, and deeper

Being betrayed,
so that you "need to" revenge,
and got the excuse to release your desire.
Sexual desire.

An eye for and eye.
More and more people can have the excuse
for a revenge to release their desire.
What an endless loop.

All we need is an excuse, aren't we?

We are just human, a very weak animal.

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And many years later, you doubt your decision you made many years ago. You are wondering what life would be if you made the other choice. You just can't escape from that fantasy. But the truth is, even if you chose the other choice, still you can't escape from the "opposite fantasy" either. You can only always dreaming of what you couldn't get, or what you didn't get. You can never escape from your own desire, the desire to own every POSSIBILITY.

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And then, you can never be satisfied.
And then, you are still living in this very imperfect world.
Or should we put it this way,
"you can only be living in your own very imperfect world."

it's hardcore isn't it?

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digging deeper and deeper, with nip/tuck.

nip / tuck

我是老土怪。

當全世界在追看 Lost，
當全世界在追看 prison break 的時候，
我依然在追看 nip/tuck。
我這個老土怪。

前幾天忽然提起 nip/tuck 時，
我才發現這幾乎是我近年唯一看下去的 TV drama。
Lost 及 prison break 的劇情雖曲折離奇，
但卻沒有極度深刻的角色描寫。
對，我是說「極度」。
主要角色只有三四個，
但每一集當他們在手術台上挖掘他們的病人/客人皮下血肉的同時，
我們都在不斷深入挖掘他們的內心深處，
各種深層的矛盾，
guiltiness, desire, sex, love,
self-esteem, psychotic pressure,
middle-age crisis, puberty anxiety,
不就是我們每日都面對的矛盾嗎?

不就是我們每日都逃避的矛盾嗎?

這是關於整容的drama，
而當中近乎psychoanalytic的人物描寫，
讓我們深入了解脆弱的人類的內心，
no matter how "good" and "successful" a person is.

比起「估佢唔到」的劇情，我比較關心這些東西。

當我逐漸成為一個「visual系」的導演的同時，
我卻沉迷在這種 all about life 的老土drama。
"I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all.
I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be."

4th season 的 DVD 也快將推出了，
真期待。